Thursday, May 20, 2010

Me and My Kids





A lot of women I know are having babies. It's a veritable baby extravaganza out there lately! Whoa!

With spring comes the advent of newness and life. Babies! Babies are born at all times of the year but a spring baby somehow brings a certain air of celebration with him... or her. My baby days are long since gone. My daughter is almost 7. She grows taller every day and as she grows, my heart-strings tug and shift. She will be my last. There will be no more after her. My husband and I have decided two children as our lot. If we can raise two properly we will consider ourselves blessed. Properly is a term I use loosely. If we can love them and fulfill all their needs and some of their wants, then we've done alright.

There is a lot of talk about home births lately. I am fortunate enough to know a few women who have had home births and I think that is a wonderful thing. My children were both born by caesarian. If I had to do it over again. I would try for the home birth. But, you don't get to re-do things like that. All you can do is be thankful for your children, however they are brought into the world. Sometimes it goes well and other times it does not. My body did not respond well to being pregnant. It was not a happy, round belly and bliss experience. It was trying and painful and frustratingly uncomfortable. I developed gestational diabetes with my daughter and so on... So, we were thankful when she was born vibrant and healthy. It could have easily gone the other way.

I will say that I hated being in the hospital to give birth. I hated being treated like I was sick when I was not sick I was pregnant! Also, there was one nurse in particular who was what I would consider and uber-bitch. Yup. Not fun.

Anyway.

I don't want to look backwards at what could have been. I don't want to feel like I didn't do my best because I did do my best. I don't want to feel sad that my children are growing up because they are, indeed, growing up. But, sometimes I am sad and sometimes I do feel like I have missed out on the awesome experience a home birth would be. But, you can't go back, can't undo a vasectomy (unless you've got a few grand to spare) and you can't sleep around on your husband just to have another child that you may get to give birth to at home, now can you? No, you can't.

So? I guess perpetual forward motion is what is called for... Not sleeping around and no regrets only thankfulness.

My children have a bowl full of gum balls in one of the above photos. Happiness is a bowl full of gum balls, right? See, that's the kind of parents we are... For good or bad, we've always liked to indulge the kids in the little things.

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