Friday, April 5, 2013

"I Tell O"


"I Tell O!"

by 
Jody Noëlle Coughlin
(All Rights Reserved)






Scene 1 Act iiii


(Onion Drawer and Carrot discuss the questionable paternity of
their mutually pestilent enemy Friar {and his wife Medusa’s} newborn babe.)



Onion Drawer:  Care not for he the sanctity of his wife’s
               chastity? 
               I feel more sore for his mother’s heart! 
               Counting her grandchildren from one to start! 
               She will o’re count one babe, at least! 
               One offspring bred of the two back’d beast!! 
                         Not hers! Not his!
                         She will lament 
                         Of seed by family tree unspent. 
                         Tragedy! Tragedy!

(Onion Drawer gazes down at the ground with sad eyes)

                          And back to woman! 
                          Unscrupulous at best! 
                          With three babes at her breast. 
                          Two alike, but one a ginger. 
                          This sexed-up, manhood binger!

                          But I shall not judge. It’s not my day.
                          But you know what the people say?
                          Nay. They care not about that. 
                          The more that is said the better. 
                          Fame, to them, be but a hat.
                          To wear upon smug faces. 
                Thy bright smiles own smear’ed faces of feces.
                Tis just a joke to them. 
                Whose babe? His babe? It matters not. 
                Even though, to me, it stinks. 
                Excuse me, Carrot, 
                but does love spew forth... from Dinks?  

(Onion drawer wipes a tear from his eyes.
Carrot pats him on the back in comfort)

Carrot:    Language, Sweet Onion. Language!
                  He careth not, whose legs betwixt’ed lay? 
       
                            His wife’s, I mean.

Onion Drawer: It seemeth so. It deemeth so! 
              Yet,I thus cannot true say. 

Carrot:     Nay? Tis observation. Nothing more?

(Carrot holds his hands out openly as he poses the question) 

           The suspected pater?  




Carrot:     Ah? Alas, alas. He’s naught but a drunken whore!
                  So, same meets same. His life is lame!
        Lame life that springs from loins so unreserve’d. 
        Life is long and children receive 
        that which is not deserve’d. 

            It be not tragedy, Onion. Nay. It’s comedy!
            The faces (that thou relate to feces) 
            are only farce      
                     upon themselves. 
                  
            For love (or lust) doth ease’ly  swell. 
            But after love (and lust) is done. 
            And life does bloom and out pops one. 

                 Babe, I mean.

          Tis fine. Tis fine. They fool themselves in sooth.
          Feces fair not well at all when all in all is truth. 
          Nay.
          They need drama for their stage. 
          The babe is but a player. 

          Forget them. Forget them! Let us be off to Slayer!

(Onion Drawer groans and shakes his head.)

Onion Drawer:   Aye. And grandmothers suffer… lest,
                Better for they, the least they know…
                the best. 


(Both actors rise and exit stage right. Lights go dim to dark. Slayer music starts playing lowly in the background.)

End Scene 1 Act iiii

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