Friday, November 28, 2014

37 Years and My Heart Beats On and On

Art by Jody Noëlle Coughlin

It's been an interesting week for me. I turned 37 years old. My birthday was on Wednesday and it was a much different birthday than the last 36 I've had. Some birthdays I don't really remember. Some I do. My 13th birthday was a lot of fun, for example. My cousin took me driving on all the back roads in the area. He shouldn't have allowed me to drive but he did and I did really well. I've always been a good driver and I think that's why. Lots and lots of practice. Ha!

In all seriousness now...

This year was different, as I've already mentioned. I think it is because of the things I encountered throughout the week leading up to the big day (not that big). Everything seemed to be all about spiritual lessons and life lessons. I am constantly seeking to understand myself (aren't we all?) so this is a good thing. It all began with a story I read about the power of words. We are all aware that words have power, but the article I read was about the actual vibration of words. Some words seem to be positively charged and some seem to be negatively charged (these are not the correct technical terms by the way). I only mean that some words will have a positive impact on you and some words will have a negative impact in terms of the energy they emit. This is interesting to me as I am studying the relationship between the various powers of words within poetry and other literature. In one of my courses the discussion centres on the analysis of language and how there is no one true way to do it (to analyze language). Language is a multitude of things. Language is sound. It is words. It is verbal. It is oral and audible. Language is written down. Language involves intonation and insinuation. It involves communication. I could go on and on. To also learn that certain words effect us negatively and positively based on their resonance is fascinating to me. Words draw their own pictures (energy fields) according to their own sound, so as to speak.

This is not New Age stuff. There is science behind it. Google it if you don't believe me.

These word "pictures" are sometimes beautiful and flowing, sometimes they are tight and angular. Negative words or gossip, which usually includes a combination of negative words by its very nature, can effect people negatively. The opposite is true for positive words, as you can image. There is something quite spiritual about that. Words literally have a deeper impact than we may realize. It makes sense to me that this is true based on the fact that, every now and then, a curtain inside my soul rolls back ever so slightly and I see the intricacies of this world all hung on a large garland of love. Everything is so very connected.

In this context it only makes sense that words are more than just words. Words are everything. They exist on a multi-dimensional plane. 

Then the curtain closes and I am just another human being wandering around my apartment looking for a pair of socks. C'est la vie.

My husband, for example, comes home from work and tells me stories about his day and, of course, there is a lot of swearing (swearing represents negative language) because he is the proverbial sailor after all. I always get so very tense during these conversations. I assumed these tensions were in relation to fear of him losing his job or something. But this theory has never settled well with me. I was not consciously afraid of that. Yet, the tensions remained in palpable quantities (as I mentioned in this previous post). So, I applied the theory about negative language to this particular situation (because I am constantly looking for solutions to things) and somehow it seemed to help. It seemed to really help. Taking a moment to consider that the tension his stories created in me was from his usage of "colourful" language (he can't even help himself!) and not some nameless fear made everything much more bearable. It made sense. He's a boisterous guy sometimes. I am a sensitive woman. Okay. I can deal with that. It's no big deal at all once you know what is going on.

On the flip side of this–I am also very sensitive to positive energy. For example, if I happen to wander uptown and find myself standing in front of a choir of people singing Christmas carols I feel absolutely gleeful. I can feel all that positive energy swirling in the air. If I go to church (any church) and the singing is really good, I tear up. If I hear about a baby being born happy and healthy, I cry. I cry all the time, but these tears are happy tears. If my family shows affection for my children (which they have and do) it makes me cry. If someone gives me a really thoughtful gift, I cry. I am one of those people. This also makes sense. I am seeing myself a little more clearly now.

How about you? Are you sensitive too?

I also learned this week that the centre of our connection to the world around us doesn't stem from the brain, but the heart (is this old news? Why didn't I know this?). Our hearts signify everything else that is going on around us. Our heart sends signals to our  brain. I previously thought the inverse was true. When we are angry, our heart beats differently than it does if we are sad or excited. There is a measurable difference. It doesn't just keep pumping on an on the same way regardless of the things going on around us.

The heart listens. It hears. It knows.

So, in that same vein of thought, when we are happy, our hearts will show it too. It is also measurable. I guess this could mean that if you hooked yourself up to a heart monitor, you would see differences in the way your heart behaves based on the way you feel. You might be able to observe more than just an increased heart rate, too. It might effect the rhythm and the intensity of the rhythm as your emotions change. They say the heart sends out its own electromagnetic pulse which connects us to other people. You can pick up on the heartbeat of others and they can pick up on yours. It's amazing. So when your chest feels like it is going to burst when you are overwhelmed with emotion, it's because your heart is reacting to the strong emotions or maybe it's more accurate to say that it is actually generating them.

In other words, your heart is your heart.

The other thing I came across this week was an article about introverts and how they operate differently in the world than other people. I have only met one person in my entire life who has readily admitted to being an introvert. It seems like there is a stigma attached to the concept, but it is not a bad thing at all. We need quiet people in this world. Hey, don't get me wrong. I love a good party and I am all about having fun, but on a day to day level I have always preferred being alone to being in a crowd. I am not a talker. I am not the type to hang off the telephone all day. I like solitude (not to be confused with isolation). I like peace and quiet. I used to think there was something wrong with me because most of my friends would likely consider themselves to be extroverts. Many of my friends are wild, chatty, likeable people who always seemed to have a lot more energy than I ever did. I compared myself to them year after year and realized we were sorrowfully different on most fundamental levels. This realization has had a profound effect on my self-esteem. Come to find out, I am not broken. I merely posses a prevalent personality trait that I hadn't heard of before. Why? Well, because introverts don't get out much.

These are the things I have pieced together this week. These are the reasons why my 37th birthday was so different. It was very quiet and very peaceful. I wasn't all bent out of shape over gifts, or parties (or lack thereof) or anything. I don't need parties. I don't need any of that stuff. I already have enough stuff. I need, and want, to be comfortable in my own skin more than I want or need any material possession. That's it. I am now 37 years old. My heart beats on and on.

Art by Jody Noëlle Coughlin 

I've hope you've enjoyed reading about me as much as I have enjoyed the cathartic experience of writing about me. Maybe I am actually writing about you?

That's it for this week. Thanks for stopping by.

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