I haven't said much here about the Loyalist Plaza Market that I am participating in this year. I also haven't said much about the GoFundMe fundraiser I held to help cover the costs of said event and others I am planning to participate in this summer (if you want to know more about when, where and why I had this fundraiser, please visit the link and read about it there) but the fact of the matter is people DID help me and I DID make it to this market even though the last month and a half have been one crazy, gut-wrenching ride (to put it mildly). Through it all, I reached the goal. I made it and it was great!
However, last night, I was nervous. I was so nervous. I have not been this nervous since the night before my scheduled c-section when my daughter was born 11 years ago. I told my son this and he said this: "so, markets are as scary as having a surgery?" Well, not really, but yes. Yes and no. No. But, sort of. Yes for me, I guess, but no, not really. Ha! It was a rough night, but I decided to just roll with it. In the car on the way to the market this morning I told my husband that there must be times when you SHOULD be nervous, and this time is as good as any. It's a big deal for me. I have not always had the will to get out and show my work to the public like this. In fact, this has been a terribly difficult thing for me to do in the past. But, moving to a new city was supposed to help me with that and so far, it really has. I am so proud of myself for that. There is no real way to express it, but if you could read my mind, you would see that I have changed and grown and come a really really long way in the seven or so short months we've been here.
I had high hopes to present myself as an artsy chick of some kind, though. High hopes. I wanted to my hair done just so. I wanted to wear just the right clothes--something to make me seem aloof and mysterious. But, as it happened, I threw on the only pair of jeans I own and a t-shirt with Darrell from The Walking Dead on it as well as a big old brown sweater and brown boots. I looked altogether un-mysterious. I looked like my usual dorky self. It was rather comical because the best laid plans of mice and men usually end up in the ditch after a night of tossing and turning. I did well to get dressed, let alone wear something snazzy. And, of course, Saint John being what it is, my hair took a turn for the frizzy because of the dampness and its propensity to fuzz out at the slightest provocation. So, all in all, my dorky self aside, the work had to stand on its own two feet. I think it did. I have a few ideas for the next time around, but today was a good day. And, I must mention this: my husband... oh, my wonderful wonderful husband. He was so amazing today. He stood by me all day, helped me lug stuff, set up stuff, and so on and so on. He was positive and encouraging and uplifting and loving. He kissed me on the cheek every chance he had, which was awesome because he is obviously not all about the looks, if you know what I mean (referring to aforementioned frizz and brown attire). I never knew this side of him existed, but to see and to feel his support in this endeavour of mine... well? It's priceless. I am overwhelmed. It's a new development in our marriage and I have to say I didn't know how much I needed his support like this until I got it. It is good to be loved. It is beyond good. It is the best thing in the entire universe!
I pray that this works out for me in a way that makes sense. I feel a little scared about things. I don't exactly know what I want the outcome to be in it all, but I know that it feels good to stand behind my work and it feels good to let the world know that this is who I am and this is what I do. All I know for sure is that I am meant to be here, doing this very thing. I am not sure what else to glean from it, but I am thankful. I am thankful for all the help I have had. I am thankful that I have talent to put brush to paper or canvas to make something that resounds with others. I am just really really thankful all the way around.